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Post by Daos on Jan 14, 2007 18:29:18 GMT -8
I wiped the old "Soulstaff Legacy" thread and started up this new one for a reason. Because I am doing the same thing with my story.
I sat down tonight to try and finally write the third chapter. I wrote maybe three sentences before I realized this just isn't coming out the way I want it to. I have a hard time writing the story (as demonstrated by how many months it's been since I wrote a chapter) and I'm not enjoying it.
Looking back, I find a lot of things wrong with it. And I'm not talking about the stuff Joe and Matthew mentioned, but other things totally unrelated. I feel the whole thing needs a reboot, so that's what I'll do.
I'm going to start over with chapter one and hopefully this time around, the story will be far more interesting and easy to write (as well as read).
I plan to have the new first chapter written before the end of the week. I look forward to your reviews.
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Post by Daos on Jan 16, 2007 21:41:56 GMT -8
Chapter One
Bludsin 17th, 605 "Arkos! Arkos, I need some help over here!" a soldier called out from behind him as he cut down another Crizzian warrior. Arkos knew the person asking for his help. He was part of his company, but he never learned his name. In any case, that didn't matter now. Arkos turned and saw the warrior trying to fight off three dwarves at once.
"I'm comin'!" he cried back as he tried to maneuver over corpses and avoid errant arrows and distracted swordsmen. The entire battlefield was pure chaos. Arkos didn't have time to think about it now, but years from now when he look back, he would often compare it to what it must look like during a battle in the Abyss. If the Abyss was a frozen tundra, that is.
Seventeen years had passed since Arkos had been left on the doorstep of the Whitestar Orphanage, and he was now a grown man enlisted in the Gontorian army. He was Arkos Soulstaff of the Starlight Infantry Squad, a part of the 82nd company. He and his fellow grunts had been sent to the frontline and before he knew it, he was fighting for his life and the lives of his companions.
"Over here!" he shouted at the dwarves, readying his sword. Only one of them pulled away from the overwhelmed soldier and faced Arkos. The dwarf shouted something in a gruff, foreign accent and swung his mace at Arkos' leg, hoping to drop him. Arkos hopped backward, nearly tripping over a corpse in the process. He quickly regained his composure and guarded himself with his shield while he waited for an opening. The dwarf, in a frenzy, wasn't doing a great job at keeping his defenses up. Arkos spotted a hole and went for it, stabbing the dwarf in the chest. By the time he had removed his sword, the soldier he had helped had dispatched his two remaining opponents.
"Thanks," he grunted, a bit wounded. He was about to say something else, when an arrow from above pierced through his back and dropped him. Casting his eyes skyward, Arkos saw a squadron of griffons with archers on their backs.
"Hoppin' Hobgoblins," Arkos groaned as he found himself desperately avoiding raining arrows. One archer in particular seemed to have his eye on him and would not relent. The boy was saved, though, when a bolt of lightning cut through the air and fried both griffon and rider. Thankful for the respite, Arkos hoped to catch his breath and mentally thank the wizards of his company--if he made it out of this alive, of course. However, he barely had more than a second before he heard a sound like that of the screaming wind...followed by the actual screaming of men. About 30 yards away, he saw a White Phoenix Knight conjuring an ice elemental. "Great...just great," the young warrior complained. He mentally considered whether he should rush forward to help his fellow men (and most likely be killed by the creature's ice breath) or put some distance between himself and the frozen monster.
The decision was made for him when he saw a bugbear warrior rushing toward him, his spear ready. Praying for the strength to not pass out in the middle of battle, Arkos steadied himself and went into a proper defensive stance. He prepared for a proper parry, but the bugbear did something unexpected. The hairy beastman reversed his grip on the spear at the last second, smashing the end into the side of Arkos' helmet. The young soldier was knocked to the ground, sprawled out. His ears ringing, he pried off his helmet just in time to see the bugbear standing over him, about to thrust the spear's point downward. Arkos quickly rolled to the left twice, narrowly avoiding the spear as its head sunk into the blood soaked snow.
Dizzy, Arkos got to his feet. The bugbear grunted in annoyance and attempted the same tactic, which would have been far deadlier without the protection of Arkos' helmet. Luckily, Arkos saw it coming and was able to duck. He then slashed his sword forward, but his opponent blocked it with the shaft of the spear. The bugbear then thrust the spear forward at Arkos' unprotected head. Arkos tried to sidestep it, but he was exhausted from all the fighting. He reacted too slowly and the spear's steel head bit into the side of his head, just above his earlobe. The young soldier lost his footing and the momentum of his attempted dodge sent him back to the ground. His ear felt sticky and very warm as blood poured over it.
Arkos tried to get to his feet, but his head was spinning and everything was a blur. His legs did not seem to want to respond to his mental commands. The bugbear stepped forward, pausing a moment as if savoring his victory. He once again brought his spear up over Arkos to pin him through his heart. However, that moment of hesitation cost the bugbear his victory, as a Gontorian soldier came up behind him and slashed down his back with her sword. The creature dropped his spear and toppled forward, landing on top of Arkos. Assuming he was dead, the Gontorian soldier ignored Arkos and ran off to find another opponent.
The bugbear was very heavy and Arkos found he could not shove the corpse off of him. The bite of the snow hurt his cheek as he lay on the ground, blood dripping from his wound. Unable to continue grasping to consciousness, the young soldier passed out--the sounds of battle, and his comrades dying, all around him.
* * * * *
Arkos found himself hovering in darkness, barely aware of anything. Where was he? Was he dead? He wondered if perhaps that was for the best. All the fighting was so tiresome. And it wasn't like he, a poor orphan, had much to live for, he thought to himself.
"Arkos!"
"What? Who?" he asked, recognizing the sweet, female voice calling to him. But for some reason, he couldn't recall her name in this dark haze.
"Don't give up yet. Remember? You promised you'd come back!"
"I'm tired," he muttered in reply.
"So you're going to abandon me? Just like everyone else...?" the voice asked, fading in volume as she spoke.
"No! Wait!" he cried, his strength renewed. "I am not gonna leave you! I promise!"
"Leave me? Hey, we just met. Hey, Daeval! Over here! We got a live one!"
"Wh...what?"
Arkos suddenly felt very heavy and very cold. There was a sharp pain in his head and he couldn't feel his toes. Slowly, he opened his eyes. A blurry kaleidoscope of colors assaulted his eyes. Blinking a few times, the colors stopped moving and took shape. A face was looking down at him, grinning. "Just hold on there, champ. Help is coming," he said.
"Is it bad?" another voice asked.
"He'll live...with your help. And if we get this bugbear off of him."
Arkos then heard some grunting and felt the weight of the corpse taken off of him. A man whose face was covered with a white cowl knelt by his side and placed his gloved hands on Arkos' chest. He muttered something softly and soon Arkos felt a rush of warmth and peace spread over his limbs, centering on the side of his head. "There," the man said, standing and offering Arkos a hand. Without hesitation, Arkos accepted it and was helped to his knees.
"Bouncin' Beholders...I feel like a giant sat on my head," Arkos groaned, looking around. The pandemonium of the battlefield was gone. The only sound was the harsh wind blowing. Bodies were everywhere from both sides. There was more red snow than white. "It's over?" he asked.
"Yes," said the man in white. "I'm afraid your side lost. Many were killed, and a handful were captured. The rest retreated."
"So...you're on our side, right? Or am I a prisoner now?"
"We're not on either side, kid. We were just passing through." Arkos turned to the speaker, the one who woke him up. Now that his head was more or less lucid, he was able to take in the person's strange features. He was only a couple feet tall, which made Arkos think he was a child at first. But now looking at his face, he realized there was many years of wisdom reflecting in his crimson eyes. The figure had long, messy red hair full of twigs and pinecone chips. He was wearing light purple robes and had no protection from the cold at all, save a simple white cloak. And Arkos realized that was more for camouflage than warmth. However, the cold didn't seem to bother him at all. In his hand was what looked like a stick of driftwood with a green crystal on the end.
"You...you're a..."
"Sprite. Yeah, I know. I get that a lot. I'm Kappa. This here is Daeval," he said, gesturing to the man in white.
Daeval removed his cowl, revealing a handsome face with pale skin, chiseled features, almond shaped green eyes, and golden hair in a typical monk mushroom cut. The feature that drew Arkos' eyes, however, were his pointed ears. Arkos had seen several elves when living in Tennic, but this was the first time one was smiling warmly at him, as opposed to scowling or stoically ignoring him.
"And you are?" Daeval prompted.
Arkos blinked, realizing he had been staring. "Arkos. Arkos Soulstaff. Starlight Infantry Squad."
"What an interesting name," Daeval commented. "Arkos, the blue star, and Soulstaff, the legendary weapon of Azedeth."
"Yeah," Arkos agreed. "You're a priest? Thanks for, uh...savin' my life and all."
Daeval nodded. He was bundled up in thick furs, white studded leather armor, had leather gloves and boots, and a white cloak and hood. However, the little sunlight remaining glinted off of the golden sun-shaped medallion hanging from his neck--the holy symbol of Azedeth, God of Life and Light. "Can you walk?" he asked.
"I think so." Arkos slowly got to his feet, feeling a little dizzy but steady. "I'm surprised that body didn't crush all my bones."
"Actually, its warmth is probably what kept you alive this long," Kappa pointed out. "In any case, we better get out of sight. If a passing patrol doesn't spot us, all of this frozen meat is bound to attract the remorhaz."
"Wait," Arkos said. "You said some of my people were captured. Do you know where they were taken?"
The elf and sprite shared a look, and then Daeval answered. "Yes. There is a bugbear stronghold not far from here. They were most likely taken there."
"Can you show me the way? I have to do what I can to save them."
"Kid...are you crazy? You're a free man. Let's just hide out until dawn, and then sneak you back to the border," Kappa suggested.
"I'm sorry. But I have a duty to help them, if I can. There's no telling what the enemy will do to them. I won't leave them behind."
Again, Daeval and Kappa share a concerned look. "Either way," Daeval said, looking back to Arkos, "there is nothing that can be done so close to night. We should find a safe place to camp before we find trouble. Or trouble finds us."
"Right," Kappa agreed. "Besides, you need to heal up. Daeval kept you alive, but you're hardly back in tip-top shape."
"All...All right," Arkos agreed. "But where are we going to find a safe place?"
"Leave that to me, kid," Kappa grinned. "If there's one thing we sprites are good at, it's hiding in nature's wild."
* * * * *
Although Arkos was skeptical, it turned out Kappa was not kidding about his ability to find good hiding places. He led them into a small forest to the north. Navigating through it as if he had been there hundreds of times before, he brought them to a small clearing with a frozen lake.
"I think this is it. Yeah. Just wait here a second," the sprite instructed. He then started poking his staff into the snow at various points, as if looking for something.
Shrugging, Arkos sat down by the lake. The trees helped give them some cover from ground troops, but air-borne units would easily spot them in this glade. Reaching over, he brushed some snow off of the lake's surface and examined his own distorted reflection.
Arkos is not an ugly man; in fact, he was often told he was rather handsome. But he looked pretty haggard today. His black hair was unkempt and had dried blood and grime rubbed into it. His brown eyes were bloodshot and he had a rough five o' clock shadow growing on his face. Although Daeval had sealed the wound on his head, there was still a nasty scar. He looked dead, in fact. It was a wonder the sprite had even found him.
"Here it is!" Kappa said in triumph. He dug away some snow with his hands to reveal a small cave's mouth. "We can hide out in here. Watch your heads!" he laughed as he hopped down into the hole.
Arkos was a little hesitant, but after Daeval climbed down, he followed. Inside was a large cavern that more than accommodated the three of them. It was surprisingly warm inside and the entire place was illuminated with some kind of magical light. "Leapin' Lizardmen...what is this place?" he asked.
"Oh, we have little sanctuaries like this hidden all over the place. Luckily this one wasn't occupied at present," Kappa answered. He sat down in the middle of the room and slid off his backpack to open it up and dig around inside. "I'm starving. Let's eat!"
As Kappa pulled out some bread, cheese, and other rations wrapped up in cloth, Daeval took off his cloak, armor, and some of his extra furs. Arkos realized it was starting to get hot in here, and decided to do likewise. He removed his chain mail piece by piece, and set it off to the side. He then took off his gloves, unbuckled his sword, and removed three of the four sets of clothes he had on. Then the three sat and ate together.
Arkos decided to break the silence. "You two are Gontorian, right? What are you doin' up here if you're not in the war...if you don't mind me askin'?"
"We are searching for someone," Daeval replied.
"Who?"
"It's not important, kid. You should really be thinking more about what you're going to do," Kappa responded.
"Why do you keep calling me 'kid'? You look a lot younger than me."
"Oh, yeah? How many centuries have you lived?" Kappa asked with a sly smile.
"Uh...centuries? Well, uh, none..."
"That's what I thought. You look like you haven't even seen a score yet. But me and Daeval, well...I'll put it this way. Daeval's younger than me, but I was all ready fully grown by the Golem War."
Arkos nearly choked on his food at that remark. "The Golem War was almost four hundred years ago!"
"Yeah, yeah. Enough about us old fogies. What are you going to do tomorrow morning, kid?"
Arkos drank some water from his canteen and cleared his throat. "If I had been captured, I would want to be saved. It can't be coincidence that I lived and that you found me and healed me. I think Azedeth wants me to do this."
"You are a man of faith then?" Daeval asked. "It does seem strange that we were lucky to pass by just as we did."
Kappa groaned. "So Azedeth wants us to get killed in a suicide mission?"
"Us?" asked Arkos. "You don't have to go with me...I just need to be shown the way."
Kappa shook his head. "It doesn't work that way."
"My small friend is right. I agree, I think Azedeth did bring us together for a reason. We could not, in good conscience, let you go alone," Daeval said.
"But I thought you said you were neutral?"
"In politics, we are. But your companions are still our countrymen. And besides...we have hit a dead end in our search. Perhaps if we help you, we will come across another clue," Daeval responded.
"All right. Thanks...again. I don't know how I'm ever gonna pay you back for savin' me and helpin' me like you have."
"Nah, this is what we do, right, Daeval? Now let's get some rest." The sprite sighed forlornly. "I have a feeling we're going to need it."
-----------------------------------
I hope you all like it, and I hope it's an improvement over the original.
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Post by HorizonsDream on Jan 16, 2007 21:55:38 GMT -8
I have to admit that I do like this one much better. I was half expecting that Arkos was going to die in that battle, which kind of made me sad. I also like that he isn't such a..plain character anymore. One thing though, when you were telling us what Arkos looks like. You said "Arkos is not an ugly man." I think you need to change that to Arkos was not an ugly man, as you are writing in past tense and not present tense.
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Airellian
Elite
Sunny Greenhaven
Posts: 1,284
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Post by Airellian on Jan 16, 2007 21:56:16 GMT -8
Hmm, well, I don't think it's a good idea to start in the middle of the action. Basically, it's like saying, "Here's the main character, now start caring!" We don't have any information about Arkos at this point, and already his life is in danger. And when you stop the action to explain who Arkos is, it forcefully takes you out of the scene. Like a yo-yo. Basically, this kind of scene, right in the thick of things, isn't the place for Chapter 1. Anyway, that's all I'll say for now, I'll take a closer read tomorrow.
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Post by Daos on Jan 16, 2007 22:03:54 GMT -8
Heather, I went ahead and fixed the error you mentioned in the actual file (but not in the above post, because I'm lazy).
I did try and insert a little more personality into Arkos, and there was some nice development from all three characters. I'm glad you liked the battle, since as I have mentioned before, I'm not so great with them.
Joe, the reason I started the story in a battle was I felt the pacing of the original two chapters were too slow, and I wanted to grab the reader's attention right away this time around. Also, this story is about a war, and I felt like the original two chapters did not accurately portray this. This was also a great way to introduce Daeval and Kappa (as they are not part of the army in this version) and as a way to separate Arkos from his company.
I did try, though, not to interrupt the action too much when I could. I held off describing Arkos' appearance, for instance, until after the fight.
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Post by HorizonsDream on Jan 16, 2007 22:06:18 GMT -8
I personally like the action first. It catches my attention better. I don't know what is going on, or why there is a battle being fought, but I'm pulled into it because I want to know what the outcome is going to be.
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Airellian
Elite
Sunny Greenhaven
Posts: 1,284
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Post by Airellian on Jan 17, 2007 21:09:48 GMT -8
This is actually an interesting start, and the number of characters is more manageable. Daeval and Kappa's personalities show through, and it doesn't seem like you're trying too hard to show them, now that you don't have as many characters. The only jarring point was when I came upon, "White Phoenix Knight." Huh? What's that? I guess it's a wizard or something? Also, there were a few more grammatical errors.
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Post by Daos on Jan 17, 2007 21:16:02 GMT -8
Each country has its own knighthood.
Octhania = Blue Tsunami Renosia = Red Ram Knights Crizza = White Phoenix Knights Gontoria = Yeomen Knights Rabbah = (Uh, actually, I haven't thought up a name for them yet.)
Please point them out, if you can. I'll try and fix them.
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Post by Daos on Mar 19, 2007 21:13:24 GMT -8
Chapter Two There was a cold, crisp breeze but thankfully the forest helped block most of it. As the three walked through the trees, the snow crunching with each step, Arkos found himself thankful for the protection the trees offered. They also helped in keeping the three concealed from any passing patrols. Arkos paused a moment to adjust his gloves, but also to let Kappa catch up. Due to his shorter legs, the sprite kept falling behind the elf and human.
"Is something the matter?" Daeval asked Arkos as the sprite hustled over to them.
"Fingers are cold. The gloves don't help much," he admitted.
The elf smiled. "I know I will be most happy to return to warmer lands when this is all over," he agreed.
"Peh," the sprite grumbled. "It's not that bad."
"We mortal races are just a bit more sensitive to temperature, I'm afraid," Daeval said sincerely, although Arkos thought he heard the slightest hint of humor in the priest's voice.
"Yeah, well...nobody's perfect," the sprite commented with a grin.
"Are sprites really immortal?" Arkos asked, looking down at the diminutive figure.
"Age-wise. We never die of old age. But we can still be killed by all the same stuff that kills anyone else," Kappa says.
Daeval smiled, but the expression quickly melted into one of concern. He threw off his hood and looked up at the sky.
"What is it, Daeval?" asked Kappa.
The elf waited a moment before speaking, as if confirming something. "Air patrol...heading this way. Quickly, hide!"
Before Arkos could even register what was happening, Kappa had vanished into thin air and Daeval had dived into a nearby shrubbery. The soldier looked left and right and ran in something of a small circle before spotting a sturdy fir tree and jumping behind it. He sat in the snow, trying to keep his breath steady as it formed into a puff of mist with each exhale. He waited for five breaths before he heard what Daeval had all ready heard before: the sound of large wings flapping up above. Glancing skyward, he saw through the branches of the tree a trio of hippogriffs, each one carrying a rider in white armor. They circled around once, and then flew to the west.
Arkos exhaled in relief. He hadn't realized he had been holding his breath. After waiting another few moments, he got up and wiped the snow from his cloak. He saw Daeval crawling out from the shrubbery and went to aid the elf, helping him to his feet. "Where's Kappa?" he asked.
"Right here!" the sprite answered, appearing right in front of Arkos. The soldier was so surprised, he stumbled backward, lost his footing and fell back into the snow with a loud swear.
"Hey, keep it down!" Kappa chastised him. "Do you want to alert the air patrol? They might not be out of earshot."
Arkos quickly got to his feet, his face flushed from both the snow and embarrassment. "Sorry, I...you came out of nowhere."
"Geez, you're jumpy. You'd think a soldier who has fought on the frontline of a war would have nerves of steel."
"That's enough, Kappa," Daeval warned. "We need to focus. The stronghold is not much further and we still have no real plan."
"Maybe once we actually see it, we'll think of something," Arkos offered with a hint of optimism.
"Perhaps," the elf said. "But for now, we must make sure we are not seen by any patrols or we will never make it that far."
As the three began to walk north, Kappa yawned and then frowned. "Lousy war. This would be so much easier if we didn't have to skulk around so much."
"It can't be helped," Arkos replied. "Crizza is threatening our entire way of life. There was no other choice."
"Kid, there is always another choice. And Crizza's no threat. It's co-existed with Gontoria for centuries. This is about a dying king's wish for immortality, nothing more," the sprite said with cynicism.
"What do you mean?" the soldier asked.
"Look, kid, it's simple. How many kings has Gontoria had in its history?"
"Well, uh...quite a lot."
"Can you name some?"
"Of course," Arkos replied. "There's King Tristan, who single-handedly slew the beholder of Azrena and saved the entire kingdom from its danger. Then there's King Vincent who led the forces of Gontoria to victory against the Renosians in the Golem War. And Queen Terra, the druidess who negotiated peace with the elves, gnolls, and humans," he lists, ticking each one off of one of his fingers.
"Not bad. You know your history. But what about King Quigley?"
"Who?"
"King Quigley. He was king right after Tristan."
"Oh. What did he do?"
"Do? He raised taxes once, for about a year, and then lowered them again. That was about it. He was never involved in any war or scandal or important events. He kept his people happy and well-fed, and was a fair and honest man. But nobody remembers him. See where I'm going with this, kid?"
Arkos shook his head slowly.
"King Marcus is an old man. In another few years, he'll probably pass on. He did a good job, all things considered. But nobody remembers the kings who did a 'good' job. Just the ones who participated in huge, historical events. That's what this war is really about. Marcus wants to be in history. And now he will. 'The king who led Gontoria against the Crizzans.' Whether he wins or loses, he'll still be remembered. Something I've noticed in humans, is that they'll do just about anything to be remembered when they're close to their ends."
Arkos listened to the tirade quietly, his face reflecting deep thought. Daeval remained silent throughout the exchange.
"So now," the sprite continued, "many innocent men and women will die on both sides, all to win their king a footnote in the history tomes." He paused and glanced to the soldier. "I hope you didn't get involved in this for some higher ideal."
Arkos looked at the sprite for a moment before turning his eyes back ahead. "No. I just needed the money," he admitted.
The sprite stared at him a moment before shaking his head. "I hope it proves to be worth it, kid."
"It will be," Arkos replied, his hand unconsciously drifting to his left arm. "It will be."
* * * * *
The bugbear stronghold was not nearly as large as Arkos had expected, but still quite fearsome. The outer wall was a good thirty feet high and formed a diamond shape around the large tower within, which stood forty feet high itself. At each 'corner' of the wall was a smaller watchtower. A number of bugbear archers patrolled the walls and towers, keeping a vigilant eye out for any hostiles.
The walls of the fortress were made of a white stone, creating the illusion that the entire structure had been forged from the very snow and ice it stood upon. At the very top of the central tower flew a sky blue flag with a white eagle upon it--the crest of Crizza.
Arkos, Kappa, and Daeval stood at the very edge of the forest. Beyond was a field of tree stumps and then the stronghold itself. The bugbears obviously logged in the area for firewood and whatever else they needed. The three stood behind a rather large fir tree, peeking out behind it.
"Any ideas?" Kappa asked sarcastically.
"It does indeed look quite formidable," Daeval said.
Arkos sighed. "If only we knew where they were holding them. Then we could make some kind of plan."
"Recon, huh?" the sprite inquired. "I can handle that. Just wait here. It might take a bit." And with that, he vanished again. Arkos glanced around in surprise, but then saw a series of footprints forming one by one in the snow, heading away from them and toward the front gate.
"I'll never get used to that," Arkos muttered.
"It does come in handy, though," the elf said, his eyes dancing with silent laughter. "In the meantime, we may as well just sit and wait."
Arkos nodded and sat down in the snow, using his cloak as a blanket. He leaned his back against the tree's trunk. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you ever wind up traveling with a sprite anyway?"
"He saved my pregnant wife from a troll," the elf replied.
"Yeah, that'd do it," Arkos agreed.
"Sprites are reclusive by nature. Like Kappa told you, they do not age. But their bodies are quite frail. As a result, many never leave their sanctuaries. They hide from the world and its inhabitants, reasoning that they will never die if they are never in danger," Daeval explained. "For many centuries, Kappa was no different. But about sixty years ago, a week before my wife was to give birth to our daughter, we were traveling home after a trip to Deteris. My wife, Nylirr, wished our child to be born in the Homeland, you see. But a troll found us and attacked. I tried to fight it, but it wounded me as Nylirr escaped. The troll followed her and surely would have caught her had Kappa not used his magic to incinerate it."
"Wow," Arkos said, listening to the tale with his full attention.
Daeval nodded. "Indeed. We were both grateful to the sprite and invited him to join us in the Homeland. Kappa later told me, he realized then that living a life in hiding was no life at all. He wished to help people, to contribute to the world. Even if it would one day mean his own death. Kappa was present at my daughter's birth and we were honored to have him."
"Wait...so your daughter is sixty years old?" he asked, feeling very young all of the sudden.
"Yes, although she is still just a child by human standards. Her name is Amakororo. She is our precious flower."
"Pretty name," the soldier commented. He wondered briefly if he would ever have a wife and child like Daeval. Strangely enough, he found himself even envying the elf.
"Trouble," Daeval suddenly hissed, grabbing Arkos' arm and pulling him around the tree. Arkos was caught off guard and a bit surprised at how strong the lithe elf was. Once they were out of sight, Arkos peaked around the tree to spot five bugbears approaching, each one wearing studded leather armor and carrying a halberd. A patrol, Arkos thought. Had Daeval not grabbed him when he did, they probably would have seen the two standing there in plain sight.
"They are coming this way," the elf announced softly. "Hurry, if we climb this tree they may not spot us." And with that, he scurried up the fir with the grace of a squirrel.
Sadly, Arkos was not so graceful and was wearing metal armor. He clawed at the trunk in vain and quickly realized there was no way he could make it to the top. "They approach!" he heard Daeval whisper from above. "Do not move. Remain out of sight."
Arkos pressed himself against the fir's thick trunk and held perfectly still. The trunk was wide enough to conceal him if he stood up straight and stayed close to it, but should any of the bugbears walk around it, he would be seen. He could not see the bugbear, but he heard it approaching. The soft crunch of snow as it walked forward sounded in his ears, as well as its leather armor creaking and even its deep, nasal breaths. Arkos was completely silent, holding his own breath. Despite the cold, a bead of sweat formed on his brow.
His nerves felt on fire, yet he remained still. He knew if he flinched even a little, his armor may clink or his cloak could rustle. And then, in the distance behind the bugbear, there was a rustle. Arkos heard it grunt with surprise and its retreating footsteps in the snow. He heard more rustling, and then a snort. The bugbear's footsteps became fainter and fainter, until the only sound he could hear was the slight wind. Arkos breathed with relief and leaned against the tree as his tightened muscles sagged.
Daeval descended from the tree and glanced around. "That was close. Too close. That pine cone I threw seemed to throw it off, though. For the time being, anyway."
"Yeah," Arkos breathed in agreement. His pounding heart was beginning to calm down.
"Hopefully, Kappa will return soon," the elf said. "It's not safe to stay here much longer."
"Not much safer in there," the sprite responded, rematerializing at that moment right between the pair. Arkos started, grabbing for his sword hilt. However, he stumbled and fell backward into the snow instead. "Quiet down," the sprite chided him. "Geez, kid. You're more wound up than a gnomish timepiece."
"What did you learn?" Daeval asked as he helped Arkos to his feet.
"The place is well guarded. I found the prisoners, though. They're all being held in the same place, in the southeastern tower. That one, right there," he says, pointing to the tower closest to them.
"Can you...make the rest of us invisible?" inquired Arkos, wiping some snow off his shoulders.
"No. Just me. But even if I could, there's still the matter of getting back out with the prisoners."
"Anyone got any rope then?"
"I do," Daeval answered.
"So maybe we could go over the wall," Arkos reasoned.
"There are guards manning the wall, kid. Plus, they'd spot you coming and shoot you before you even got that far."
Daeval shook his head sadly. "As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, this may be an impossible scenario."
"Maybe not." Arkos rubbed at his chin in thought. "What if we could cause a distraction? Something to draw their attention away from the wall?"
"It would require something quite big to do that for enough time. Remember, we must run to the wall, climb it, and then get inside the tower," Daeval reminded him.
"And there's only three of us as it is, I know. But there must be something..," Arkos responded.
The sprite laughed. "I think I have something that would do the trick."
"You do?" Arkos asked, his voice tinged with hope. "What?"
Kappa grinned mischievously. "You just leave it to me. I'll go invisible and head back inside. When you see the signal, you make your move and fast."
"What is the signal?" Daeval asked.
Kappa reached down to his belt and undid one of his pouches. He removed a small yellow rock and some sort of dried up mud-like substance. "Trust me," he said with an impish spark in his eyes. "When you see it, you'll know. You can't miss it."
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Post by HorizonsDream on Mar 20, 2007 13:57:26 GMT -8
This chapter has a lot of information on Kappa and Daeval. It explains how the two of them met, and it shows that they trust each other. It doesn't really explain why the two of them are in Crizza, but I'm sure we'll figure that out. This chapter also tells us why there is a war in the first place, and it is just a petty reason. I kind of like that idea, and it makes sense that a King would want to be remembered. All and all, I liked it. It wasn't action packed or anything, but it was good.
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Post by Daos on Mar 21, 2007 13:46:15 GMT -8
Okay. You kind of sound like you're giving a book report there. But I'm glad you liked it. As for not being action-packed, in the same way that not every session must have a battle, so does it go for chapters, as well.
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Airellian
Elite
Sunny Greenhaven
Posts: 1,284
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Post by Airellian on Mar 21, 2007 14:17:42 GMT -8
I found it interesting that Kappa was so hypocritical. I mean, he criticized King Marcus for his motivations in starting the war, when Kappa is guilty of the same thing: to make his life mean something, to matter in the wider world. Of course, Kappa didn't endanger hundreds of lives, but I see it as a difference of degree. I'm not sure if it's the author speaking his own views on war, or if he's simply providing the views of war through the lens of an ageless creature, but I will say that Kappa comes off as really annoying on this point.
Anyway, that's the only comment I have. I would rather give a fuller review when I have something more to work with. I can't really remember anything interesting about Arkos or Daeval this chapter.
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Post by Daos on Mar 21, 2007 14:28:35 GMT -8
I don't ever interject my own opinions into my stories anymore. I did it as a kid, and as a result my stories usually wound up all the same (for instance, the main hero was always an atheist and the clergy was always corrupt). Any opinion offered by any character is their own.
When I first created Kappa, I envisioned him as being carefree and easy-going. But I later decided that someone who had lived for so long and seen so many wars and deaths would be pretty jaded by that point. (Remember, this isn't the first war Kappa has seen up-close. He was around for the Golem War and the Troll Wars.) I wanted this contrast between Arkos, who had been born and raised in a time of peace and Kappa who, from his own view, sees nothing but war and conquest.
In the discussion between the two, Kappa was essentially trying to 'bait' Arkos into an argument. I've known people who do things like this. Kappa thought Arkos was in the war for some higher ideal, and in his cynicism, he sought to 'crush' it. But then it turns out Arkos only joined the army for the money, which meant he ranted on for nothing. (It was also a convenient exposition to explain what this war was about, at least from his POV).
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Post by Daos on Jun 5, 2007 19:20:52 GMT -8
Chapter Three The explosion rocked the ground and knocked both Daeval and Arkos off of their feet. The elf helped Arkos up as the young soldier stared in awe at the massive ball of flame arising from the stronghold's supply tower. From their vantage point, they could hear the bugbear's shouting. Within moments, the wall before them was abandoned as the defenders rushed to put out the flames that threated their only stock of food.
"I believe that was our signal," Daeval said, his words snapping Arkos back to the reality of the situation.
"Right." After taking a deep breath, Arkos ran for the wall, the elf right at his side. They reached the base without problem, and Arkos quickly swung the grappling hook tied to his rope up and over the wall. Once he secured it, he planted his feet on the wall and began to ascend slowly. Daeval was right behind him. Once on top, Arkos drew his sword and waited by the rope for Daeval. As the elf climbed over, a pair of bugbears that had been rushing to help with the flames spotted them and charged. "Daeval!" Arkos cried in warning as he deflected a sword with his shield.
"Burning within us all, breaking free of the darkness; may the glow of the holy orb brighten within us all!" Daeval chanted, pointing to one of the bugbears. The goblinoid's eyes burst into light, causing him to stumble and fall to his knees, blinded.
While Daeval drew his blessed mace and attacked the sightless bugbear, Arkos focused on the healthier opponent. The bugbear shouted something out to his comrades, but there was so much yelling, as well as the roar of the flames, that it was unlikely anyone could hear him. Arkos tested his defenses with an opening horizontal slash, but the bugbear easily blocked it with his own, garroted blade.
"I don't have time for this!" Arkos said through clenched teeth as the two swords were locked. He threw all of his weight forward, which managed to knock his opponent back a couple of steps. His guard lowered, Arkos quickly went for the neck, plunging his sword in a weak spot. The bugbear gurgled and dropped his own sword with a clatter before stumbling over the wall and crashing to the ground thirty feet below. Daeval had, by this point, beaten his own opponent senseless. "Hurry," Arkos urged. "To the tower!" The elf nodded silently.
The pair raced across the battlements to the southeastern tower as the fire continued to burn in the courtyard. Sparing a glance, Arkos saw the fire was beginning to spread to other areas. Moving quickly, they descended the spiraling stairs. A bugbear was rushing up to meet them, but Arkos quickly cut him down before he even realized what was happening. The next floor down, they reached the room where the Gontorians were being held.
The soldiers were packed together in a single, dank cell. Despite the chaos in the courtyard, there were still three guards. Arkos swore but quickly engaged them. Every delay meant that the bugbears would have more time to get the fire under control.
Arkos thrust forward with his sword, but was deflected by his opponent's shield. Daeval led another one away from the warrior, but the third one chopped his axe down on Arkos. Fortunately, the soldier was able to get his own shield into position to stop the attack. The jar of the impact shook him, but he did not lose his footing. He quickly side-stepped another attack from the first bugbear, and sliced at the thigh of the second. He was about to finish him off when the first bugbear stabbed his left arm, causing him to drop his shield. By this point, most of the prisoners were watching the fight with interest, shouting and cheering on their would-be rescuers.
Before Arkos could react, a shimmering green arrow struck the back of the first bugbear, splashing some kind of liquid on his back. This liquid immediately began to eat at his armor and then flesh and hair. With one foe distracted, Arkos cut open the throat of his other opponent. When he turned back to the first, he had all ready fallen over, dead. Kappa came bounding in. "Acid," he explained. "Don't touch it."
Daeval stepped over his own opponent, a nasty gash in his right leg. "We must act in haste. We haven't much time."
Kappa nodded. "Leave it to me." He approached the gate, said a few words, and then the lock on the cell gate clicked. He opened it and swung the gate open. "Grab a weapon, if you can, because we're not outta here yet!" Several of the healthier prisoners grabbed the weapons the bugbear guards had dropped. A quick head-count showed there were at least ten of them, both men and women and all human.
"Back to the rope!" Arkos urged, picking his shield back up. "We have to get back to the forest--to the sanctuary--before they can organize!" He led the way as the ten prisoners followed him upstairs. The two casters stayed in the back, to deal with any rear attacks. Once back on the battlements, though, they found a dozen bugbears waiting for them. "Bouncin' Beholders! Cut through them, make room for the sick and injured!" He charged forward, as did the few armed prisoners.
"Tch, too many!" the sprite complained. He pointed the crystal ball atop his driftwood wand to the air and chanted some kind of magical command. A flurry of arrows of light burst forth from the crystal, arced through the sky with a whistle, and then slammed into their enemies with pinpoint accuracy. A handful of the bugbears died on the spot, and several more were wounded. Kappa danced around the remaining combatants, reached the rope, and started helping some of the injured climb down. Once that was done, he used a spell to leap down himself, gently floating to the ground.
Arkos had just cut down another bugbear, and he risked a glance behind him to see that half of the group had all ready descended. He, Daeval, and the three armed soldiers tried to keep the enemy at bay. He heard a cry and saw one of the soldiers, a woman carrying a bugbear's sword awkwardly, was having difficulty. The goblinoid weapon was too heavy for her slight frame, and she had taken multiple cuts so far in the fight. He hurried over to help her, while Daeval called upon his god's favor.
"Ray of heat, focused into purity; Azedeth's glare purges the unrighteous!" the elf cried to the heavens. The sun itself seemed to respond, by focusing a sunbeam directly onto one of the bugbears and setting him on fire with the burning heat.
"Azedeth is with us this day!" cried one of the prisoners, an older male. He had been fighting the bugbear that Daeval just incinerated. He hurried over to the rope and scurried down.
"Arkos, hurry! We are all that are left!" Daeval called, hoping up on the parapet.
Arkos cut down the bugbear that was fighting the young woman. He helped her to her feet. "Hurry, to the rope," he told her, and then turned to cover her escape. She obeyed, leaving her sword on the ground, and shimmied down the rope. Arkos fought off the remaining bugbear, and then joined Daeval at the parapet just as reinforcements began to show up. The two quickly climbed down as fast as they could. Arkos nearly lost his grip and fell, but he managed to keep hold of the rope until he reached the bottom.
"To the forest! Quickly!" Daeval commanded. But all ready they could hear the twang of bows and the whistles of arrows. The bugbear archers rained down bolts upon them as they ran to through the snow to the relative shelter of the forest. A couple of men fell to the arrows, pierced in the throat or heart.
"We'll never make it!" Arkos shouted, blocking an arrow with his shield as he provided cover for the others.
"We will!" Daeval called back. "They cannot hit what they cannot see! Keep the others going and above all, do not look back!"
"Daeval!"
But the elf had all ready stopped running and turned to face the stronghold. He began praying to Azedeth as he removed a gemstone from his pocket and offered it aloft, to the gods above. In his other hand, he revealed a simple candle. "Barrier of luminescence, protect us from the corrupt and blind those without faith; spring forth between us!" Just as he had finished the prayer, a bugbear arrow slammed into his left shoulder, sending him spiraling to the ground. But it was too late. The prayer was complete, and Azedeth answered. A massive wall of pure light erected in front of the elf, blocking the remaining arrows.
"Daeval!" Arkos called out again. The others had made it to the forest safely, but he could not leave the elf behind. But the wall of light was so bright, to look upon it was painful. Nevertheless, he shielded his eyes as best he could and made his way to the priest's prone form. So close to the barrier, he could feel intense heat from it. He knew that to touch it would mean considerable anguish. He scooped Daeval up in his arms and began to hurry as fast as he could to the forest.
Once back in the relative safety of the forest and back with the group, Arkos laid Daeval down on the ground and checked his wound. "It is nothing," he protested. "A simple prayer will heal it." He managed to sit up to prove this, although it was clear he was weak. He somehow seemed even paler than normal and his white armor was splattered with his own blood.
"Daeval," Kappa said with some concern. "Don't pull stunts like that. You know Nylirr would kill me if I didn't bring you home in one piece."
"Do not worry, old friend. How many are left with us?" he asked, getting to his feet with Arkos' help.
"Eight, not including us three," the sprite answered. "I doubt any of us would have made it without that wall."
As Daeval healed himself, Arkos looked to the remaining prisoners. They appeared exhausted, and fatigued. It was clear that they were not well-fed or cared for in their prison. "That wall will block their arrows, but it won't stop them from pursuing us. We better keep pushing. We'll be safe once we're back in the sanctuary."
"And then what?" asked the sprite.
"We'll worry about that afterward," he responded.
"I am finished," Daeval said, pulling the arrow from his shoulder and letting it drop in the snow. The wound slowly healed, although he still appeared a little weak.
"Good. Then let's get going," Kappa said, leading the way. The prisoners quickly followed the sprite.
Arkos was about to go with them, with Daeval laid a hand on his shoulder. The young man turned to face the elf in confusion. The elf's face seemed completely blank of emotion. "What is it?" he asked.
"Thank you," he said, the smile returning to his lips. "But you did not have to put yourself at risk."
Arkos grinned. "Hey, it's my fault you were dragged into this mess anyway. Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I left you behind to die?"
"Indeed," the elf said. "Friend."
The two shared a nod, and then sped forward to catch the others.
* * * * *
"Where the devil are we going?" asked one of the soldiers, the older man who had praised Azedeth earlier.
"A sanctuary. The bugbears won't be able to find us, even if they sweep the whole forest. It's not much further," Kappa assured him.
"Assuming we can get there in time!" Arkos added.
"Forget about it. There's no way those bugbears could catch us on foot!" Kappa responded.
It was just then that a bird-like screech was heard above. The runners stopped to look skyward, and saw above the treetops three hippogriffs with bugbear riders circling around them.
"By air, on the other hand..," the sprite grumbled.
"Watch out! They're diving!" Arkos shouted, drawing his sword. Two of the bugbears were carrying lances, and they dove down at the party, scattering them. The third had a bow and was firing arrows down at them. The prisoners attempted to find cover behind trees while Arkos, Daeval and Kappa attempted to keep them at bay.
"They're coming back around!" Daeval called out.
"The archer is the real problem!" Arkos yelled, an arrow striking his chain mail. Thankfully it did not go deep enough to hurt him seriously.
"I'm on it!" Kappa tumbled forward to avoid another arrow, and then slipped a silver dagger from his belt. Calling upon the primal elements, he summoned small particles of ice to the dagger, transforming it into a blade of ice. He then threw the weapon up at the hovering hippogriff. The ice knife struck the creature in the flank, causing it to suddenly veer to the side. The rider clutched to his saddle fiercely. The ice knife then shattered, sending out waves of cold. Numbed, the creature crashed into a tree, throwing its rider into another tree with a skull cracking thud.
Arkos and Daeval both threw themselves on the ground to avoid another dive. Getting up, Arkos looked to see Kappa's handywork. "Get the others to the sanctuary! We'll deal with these two!"
"I'll be back!" he promised, leading the prisoners away.
Arkos and Daeval stood back to back, each one keeping an eye on one of the hippogriff riders. They were not very fast fliers, especially with such heavy mounts, and it took time for them to get into position for a dive. "Got any more of those prayers?" asked Arkos.
"Not at present."
"Wish I had a bow. Here they come!" Daeval dropped into a roll to avoid his, but Arkos instead dropped to the ground, rolled onto his back and thrust his sword up as one of the creature's flew right over him. His blade sliced into the creature's underbelly, spilling out its warm contents onto Arkos. It would have actually felt rather refreshing, if not so sticky and disgusting. The creature swerved in the air, mere feet above the ground, before finally tumbling to a stop. The rider got caught up in the tumble, and his neck broke as the creature wound up on top of him.
Arkos got to his feet and wiped some blood from his mouth and eyes. "One left," he mumbled, looking around for Daeval.
The elf seemed fine so far, if not still weary from his last wound. He got to his knees and looked to the dead mount and rider. "Azedeth must really be looking after you," he said in surprise.
Arkos grinned. "Yeah, logically, I should be dead by now."
Daeval looked up and behind the warrior and his smile fell. "Arkos, behind you!"
The human turned around, but was too late. The hippogriff had come around for another pass, and grabbed Arkos by the shoulders with its front claws. It lifted the helpless warrior up into the sky slowly, the extra weight straining it. Arkos struggled in the creature's grip, its claws biting through his armor and pinching his skin. He heard Daeval shouting out to him, but he couldn't make out the exact words due to the whipping wind and the beast's flapping wings.
Looking down, he saw he was at least thirty feet into the air now and climbing. If the bugbear was planning on dropping him, he probably would not survive.
"Hoppin' Hobgoblins, this is what I get for pressin' my luck!" he groaned. "Well...only one thing to do. I hope Daeval was right. Azedeth...I don't ask you for much, but if it's not too much trouble, please catch me." He tightened the grip on his sword and then swung upward, attacking the very creature that was holding him aloft.
Arkos wasn't too sure what happened after that. He felt a jerk, the pressure on his shoulders relinquished, and then he was flying. For a few moments, it seemed wonderful, and he imagined this is how a bird must feel as it soared through the air.
His enjoyment was abruptly interrupted, however, when he smashed into the ground.
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Post by Josh on Jun 8, 2007 15:55:56 GMT -8
i think i agree with kappa -- arkos seems like he should have nerves of steel and not be so easily surprised if he's capable of such quick thinking while he's fighting. but perhaps that's just the way he is.
anyway, i felt like i needed a bit more description of the cell the soldiers were found in. when kappa unlocked the gate, i had thought he was unlocking something that led directly to outside the tower, only to be rather confused when they all ran upstairs.
the wording for daeval's barrier spell was a bit odd, as well. "'Barrier of luminescence, protect us from the corrupt and blind those without faith; spring forth between us'" makes it sound as though he's praying to a luminescent barrier, when perhaps he should be praying to his god. "Azedeth, lend us your shield", or something, perhaps?
Also, "It was just then that a bird-like screech was heard above" is rather passive. Try a more active verb rather than that 'was'... like, "a bird-like screech erupted above their heads", or something.
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